I Hooked Up With My Best Friend
My shaking hand knocked a glass of water off of the coffee table and he rushed to get some paper towels. As I started to clean up the water, he picked up his clothes and started to get dressed.
Well, at least that decision was made for me. But a kiss — especially a now much more sober kiss — seemed heavy and weirdly inappropriate. I settled on a kiss on the cheek and he was out the door. I was tempted to text or call him to talk about it but thought it might make things worse. How did I let this happen?
How could I have been so stupid? Would it make it less awkward if I made a joke? More awkward? I had to lay down. The room was starting to spin and I was spent. I woke up the next morning with this on my brain.
Had he been hiding some secret feelings from me? I thought of the time we sat in his truck at the lake smoking and talking about fate. Had he been trying to tell me something? You can reiterate it by also letting him know that the friendship is more important to you, than possibly engaging in a relationship that may not last.
Best of luck! Dear Andreus, My girlfriend and I have decided for her to move in with me. I am all for it, except her bringing her furniture. I have never been a girly girl, so my condo is very modern, with a bit of a masculine touch. All her furniture is very vintage and a bit too dainty for my taste. I already feel trapped. Help me please! Sincerely, Geraldine R. But putting all of the potential benefits aside, is it possible to really just be hookup buddies with your friend and still somehow preserve what you have?
Well, it depends on your situation and what you're looking to gain. A study shows that while it's easier to transition back to friendship after intimacy, it's admittedly more difficult to obtain a romantic relationship if that's your endgame. Another study notes similar findings with some people reporting that after it ended, they felt lonelier, less connected to their friend, and potentially deceived if the friendship wasn't prioritized. It could be a seemingly perfect situation in theory, but only with some effort.
Putting it into practice can be a different story if intentions aren't clear and radical honesty isn't consistently honored every step of the way. In honor of National Friendship Day on August 1st, I spoke with nine people who shared their true feelings about what they were hoping to get out of the hookup and what it was like transitioning the friendship to something physical.
They revealed what it was like initiating intimacy for the first time, if sex changed their connection, and where they stand with their best friend today. We even started our entrepreneurship journeys together.
But I could never gather the courage to tell him because I couldn't afford to lose him as my best friend. He was even dating someone else. I always had a minor crush on him and as our friendship grew, my crush changed into genuine feelings. They continued to grow no matter how hard I tried to suppress them. And in the next moment, I found myself kissing him.
Both of us were equally involved in the kiss. He didn't push me away and that's what made it the most amazing moment of my life. The world ceased to exist in those few moments and it was just me and him. I seriously thought we had something between us but he ghosted me the very next morning.
We never talked after that. He wouldn't answer my texts, calls, and acted like he couldn't hear me when I went to his place to talk to him. I gave up trying and whenever we saw each other in college, it would be really awkward between us. The friendship and bond were all over in just one night. The way he used to care for me, compliment me, make plans to hang out with me, all drew me towards him.
For him, I think he just wanted to find some comfort in a pool of unknown faces. None of his friends were in the same college as him, and I was familiar. That may have pushed him to talk to me. Maybe he didn't see me as a potential partner but he didn't want to say it to my face because I know he cared for me.
But even if he didn't feel the same way for me, we could've at least gone back to being friends. Personally, I feel there's been a weird awkwardness among us since that day and it fills me with regret every time I think about it. I still miss the friendship and would've been happier if he was still my best friend but I need to accept life as it comes, not the other way around.
I'm in a relationship now and it's going well. He's a wild card. We got along really well and had easy conversations. It was one of those things where we had been thinking about it for a while and if I'm being completely honest, I think we were just bored during the pandemic and started flirting over text.
I don't think either of us ever thought we would be more than friends and we were only interested in a casual relationship. Luckily, we were both on the same page and didn't need to have 'The Big Talk. But when we finally went for it and had sex, the chemistry didn't really click.
Sometimes there are people where you so want it to be great, but your pheromones just aren't that compatible. The physical relationship naturally fizzled out with no hurt feelings and then he started seeing someone else. Our hookup isn't a secret and we both feel pretty neutral about it now, [although] when I would hang out with just the two of them, I did kind of get a weird vibe from her.
My friend and I do bring it up sometimes around each other but mostly as a joke. We're both happy the way we are. Also, it's not completely off the table that we wouldn't hook up again. We just play it by ear. Ideally, this would be something you talk about beforehand, but a lot of times it doesn't work out like that! It definitely helped that we both understood that the situation was casual from the beginning so it wasn't very hard.
Why stress out trying to guess what the other person wants or assuming they feel weird when you can just ask them where they're at?
My best friend invited me to her birthday trip to Cancun. Prior to that trip, we never had any sexual relations, nor had there been any hidden crushes. But on day one of the trip, we got really drunk and something about the moment caused us to become sexually attracted to each other.
I know we had been drinking a lot but we had been drunk a million times together before! Nothing ever happened then. We ended up having sex that day and all the days to come. We did it once on the beach, too, which was fabulous.