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Just Lost The Love Of My Life


Embrace it for all that is unique about it. A Change Gonna Come New love is fun! Mature love is stable. Trust me. Relationships are pendulous in nature. Change is the only constant in life and it will exact itself on your relationship. Open your sail to the winds of change and let them guide you to a new way of living.

Love will be a thing you do, not feel. Go with Gratitude Go back to that feeling of loss for a moment that I spoke of. Go ahead, think about what life would be like without them… Think about the things that make this person so special to you. What if they were gone tomorrow — for any reason…. So start with gratitude first. Be grateful for the fact that this person is in your life. Be grateful that they chose you. Of all the people they could have been with, they chose to share life with you.

You only get one life and this human being cares for you. In a world that urges separation and isolation with technology? You found a person who wants to instead, meet you at the crossroads of love and leisure. Stop focusing on the missing links. Start focusing on what you have right here right now. Choose Your Own Adventure Autonomy breeds interdependence. Heteronomy breeds codependence. Heteronomy refers to influence by a force outside oneself.

We get into a relationship and suddenly it overtakes us and hijacks our time and passions. The point is you are most attractive to someone else when you are living your passions. When you perform your passion, you are living your truth. Another reason this is so vital in a healthy relationship is it creates space. Space is the equalizer between emotion and evolution of self. Fill each others cup but drink not from the same cup. Give your hearts but not into each others keeping, for only the hand of life can hold your heart.

The purpose of any relationship up to this point has been to help you both grow into the people you are today. The people who appeared in your life in the past were shepherds. They helped guide your way across the landscape of your love life.

Thank them for their guidance and then bless and release them. Looking back only serves as a distraction from the present. Live in Childlike Fascination Make a conscious choice to see something positive about your partner as often as possible. Take in the wonder of who they are and what makes them unique. Flaws are fabulous and unique. In the aftermath of my breakup I found myself appreciating the weirdest things about my partner.

I missed those weird things. She left the lights on in every room which drove me nuts. But in the end I actually missed having to turn off the lights behind her. It was unique to her. Taking someone for granted starts with not appreciating the little things that make them special. Even things like leaving the lights on. Attention without feeling … is only a report.

An openness — an empathy — was necessary if the attention was to matter. Empathy in this context means to listen with feeling, emotion and full attention — openness as Mary Oliver says. If you are not listening to your partner when they talk or share something? You are simply a reporter.

Witnessing the act of talking and showing little emotion. Be better, be present. Let them hunt the trail of curiosity and explore who they are. Do nothing more then encourage it. That is the definition of real love. You want the person you walk through life with to be the best they can be. The more they understand their own interior the more they have to offer you. If they explore their own path they are able to requite love and foster its growth. Remember, the higher you function as a human being the more centered you live your life.

The more centered you are the better the partner you make and the more you have to offer. That both of you possess this internal river of feelings in which your love is but a tributary. Understand that life is the main channel and it dictates the flow of love into your delta. Life acts upon us to an extent and changes the availability we have for love.

Accept that sometimes one of you will be better at your journey together then the other. Realize that there will be times when one of you will carry the relationship. There will be an ebb and flow of love between you over time which is normal and healthy. If you struggle with this sentiment, I leave you with this…. Variety is the Spice of Love Couples that try together thrive together.

They never stop trying new activities. If you want to keep the love strong in your relationship, you need to explore life together. Try things you have never done before. This builds excitement around what could happen.

Chances are you will have a great time if you dive in with an open mind. In our busy lives we often forget the most basic of communications and the power they wield.

So today, set 1 minute aside and write an email, text or fill out a card and tell the person in your life how much they mean to you. My partner and I spoke different languages when it came to communicating.

Take it from me this can wreak havoc on your relationship. You must learn to communicate effectively in a way that your partner understands. Ask your partner how they need you to talk to them. Start there. Some people are more sensitive then others; respect that. Some read intonation of voice different then others. Some need to talk then leave and process.

Some people enjoy a good argument. Others cower from confrontation. Figure this out early on if you can. Take the time to learn from your relationship. Once the pain dulls and your emotions settle, try to evaluate where it went wrong.

If you take the time to really think over your past relationship, was it all as good as it seemed? Did you argue? Did you get jealous? Think about how you behaved toward them and any times where you could have done things differently.

We can only grow from mistakes. Remember, you are not defined by this relationship. There was a happy you before this relationship. There will be a happy you after it. This relationship and the love you shared is not what makes you the interesting and unique person you are.

It stands to reason, then, that if you attracted someone who loved you in that way just by being yourself, it can happen again. It will happen again. It shapes how you go on to respond to relationships, and it has a lasting impact on your outlook.

Try to notice if you mention your breakup when you introduce yourself to people or are out on dates. Stop yourself if you find that you always revert to memories of your ex for anecdotes. Invest time and energy in yourself and start thinking about your life as separate to the one you shared with your ex.

The memories will never go away and, eventually, you will learn to look back and take positives from the experiences you shared. But you are not defined by that relationship or any relationship to come. Think before you reach out to them. Part of you may want to reach out, even just to check in and see how your ex is doing. Are you hoping for a reconciliation or an explanation about why things turned out the way they did?

If you are, have you really thought about what response you might actually get? You may still love them, but their feelings for you could have changed. Speaking to them could just end up being a more painful experience than not hearing from them at all. Think how you would feel if you reached out and they ignored you. Would you want to be left anxiously checking your phone for a reply?

Would it just add embarrassment to the pain you were already feeling? Would you be able to walk away or would it make you more upset and frustrated? Make a choice to move on. Everyone will have a different opinion on what will help, whether it be going away for a while, getting into a hobby, changing your style, or eating whole boxes of chocolates while crying to romcoms.

Hopefully you have a strong support network of friends and family who are there to comfort you and listen when you need to talk. Or you may have even tried speaking to a relationship therapist to help make sense of all the emotions running through your head.

Every time you feel tempted to think about them, try focusing on something or someone else. As much as there is help and support out there for you, you are the only one who can control what you focus on. So have faith in your own strength to build a life away from your past relationship and focus on what happiness lies in your future.

You may not want to do it, but you need to start making a conscious choice to focus on you and not them, and pour your energy into your future, not your past. Moving on from a lost love is possible. But right now, try to focus on finding what makes you happy again.

Take the opportunity to reconnect with friends and family and throw yourself into all the things you love doing. Rather, see yourself as free to be able to focus solely on yourself and your own happiness. Love is as unique as the two people in a relationship.