Love And Where To Find It
That started me off on a deep dive into the intriguing Language of Flowers. Rowling have all used the language of flowers in their writings.
But I found out that floriography aka the language of flowers actually has its roots in 17th century Ottoman Turkey and its passionate obsession with tulips. Mary Wortley-Montagu is credited with introducing the floriography craze to England in , and the Dictionaire du language des fleurs, which came out in France in , is believed to be the first published list associating flowers with symbolic definitions.
The language of flowers seemed like the perfect code to give my characters, Elizabeth and Amanda. But I quickly ran into problems.
All this was fun to think about, but it led me quickly to another realization: for Elizabeth and Amanda to be able to communicate using the language of flowers, they would have to be going off the same source.
Over time, certain flowers have become intimately associated with certain emotions, like red roses for love, olive branches for peace, and cypress for death or grief. And then, when you come to roses, it gets even more confusing. A single rose color unspecified means Simplicity. So we all have hidden or disowned parts of ourselves that at some point we need to unearth.
It is like we are unconsciously trying to complete ourselves through our relationships. These relationships usually involve intense attraction at first and are characterized by feelings of completeness. But inevitably, they become stifled by strong relationship patterns that form where people get stuck relating to one another from one main part of themselves that bonds with its opposite in the other person.
But then when stresses and vulnerabilities arise in the relationship, these bonding patterns turn negative, and the partners turn on each other. I am so grateful to have learned about bonding patterns because the awareness of them not only helps enormously in my relationship, but they also act as a guide for which parts of myself I have lost connection to.
Because bonding patterns are the natural way that we give and receive love, they are unavoidable. But bonding patterns can be navigated successfully.
When you become aware that you are attracted to other people because of what you have disowned in yourself, and then work on owning those qualities in yourself, your relationships transform. If you are in a relationship already and you begin this process, then as you and your partner reclaim your disowned selves, you start to become more fully yourselves with each other and your relationship will become richer. Engage with life; accept the gifts that are offered to you.
And this was one of those. When I got to that party, there he was: my future husband, with whom I have had three children and twenty-five years of a wonderful life together. Was I looking for someone when I went to that party? And it was a surprise to meet him there. If I had been intentionally looking for a partner, I probably would not have even spoken to my husband that night.
When you look at each person you encounter as if you are screening them for a job with a life-long contract, it changes the organic flow of events and natural connection that forms with the people you encounter. The simplest way to stop assessing others as potential life partners is to just stop looking for a partner and connect with the people you meet with genuine interest.
When you meet someone you have a good connection with, allow that connection to develop and grow. If the person is a soul mate, he or she will also be into you, so if you both pay genuine attention to each other then something will develop. There is no need to play games or to try particular seduction techniques or to achieve milestones by a particular time. A successful long-term relationship is not a game.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you had to manipulate into it? Do you want your partner to be enchanted by an image you have created so that you have to hide yourself in some way?
Or do you want your partner to love you wholeheartedly? What kind of relationship do you want to bring children into if you end up having them?
Each relationship is unique, just as each person is unique, so how your relationship unfolds will be unique too. You have to engage with the process of it and with each other, and then make decisions as you go. There is no one line you can say, no one action you can take, that will lead to a particular result.