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Singles Have Found Way Partner Up

That truth can offer an important clue into ways we may be pushing our partner away without realizing it. On the other hand, punishing our partner for being honest and direct with us shuts down communication.

Open to trying something new vs. Honesty and integrity vs. Yet, as adults, there can be a lot of deception in our closest relationships. When we are dishonest with our partner, we do them, the relationship, and ourselves a great disservice.

In order to feel vulnerable with our partner, we must trust them, and this can only be achieved through honesty. That means respecting them as a unique, autonomous individual. Often, couples tend to take on roles or play into power dynamics. We may tell each other what to do or how to act. Or we may speak for and about each other in ways that are limiting or defining. Essentially, we treat them as extensions of ourselves rather than separate human beings. As a result, we actually limit our own attraction to them.

Then we are no more attracted to them than we are to our right arm. Physical affection and personal sexuality vs. When we cut ourselves off to our feelings of affection, we tend to deaden the relationship. This weakens the spark between ourselves and our partner. Sexuality can become routine or impersonal, and as a result, both partners feel more distant and less satisfied. Keeping love alive means staying in touch with a part of ourselves that wants physical contact and is willing to give and receive affection.

Understanding vs. When our partner feels seen and understood, they are much more likely to soften and see our perspective as well. Noncontrolling, nonmanipulative and nonthreatening behaviors vs.

One looks to the other for guidance then resents that person for telling them what to do. Or one person tries to control the situation, then complains that the other person is irresponsible, immature, or passive. In order for a relationship to be truly loving, it must be equal.

When one person tries to control or manipulate the other, be it by yelling and screaming or stonewalling and playing the victim, neither person is experiencing an adult, equal, and loving relationship. Many of us become caught up in the fairy tale, the superficial elements, or the form of the relationship i.

That is because, while most of us think we want love, we often actually take actions to push it away. That is why the first step to being more loving is to get to know and challenge our own defenses. We may be tolerant of realizing our dreams of falling in love in fantasy, but very often we are intolerant of having that dream fulfilled in reality.

Robert Firestone describes how being loved by someone threatens our defenses and reawakens emotional pain and anxiety from childhood. We have to get to know what defenses we bring to the table that ward off love.

For example, if we grew up feeling rejected, we may feel anxious about getting too close to another person. We may not feel we can really trust or rely on a partner, so we either cling to that person or ward him or her off, both which lead to the same result of creating distance.

If we felt criticized or resented in our childhood, we may have trouble feeling confident or worthwhile in our relationships. We may seek out partners who put us down in ways that feel familiar, or we may never fully accept our partners loving feelings for us, because they threaten this early self-perception.

Again, both of these extremes can lead to relationships that lack real closeness and intimacy. The good news is we can start to break these destructive relationship patterns by better knowing ourselves and our defenses. Why do we choose the partners we do?

Are there ways we distort or provoke our partner to act in ways that fit with our defenses? How do we create distance? What behaviors do we engage in that may feel self-protective but actually push love away.

Learn more about the Fear of Intimacy 2. Differentiation from the past influences that no longer serve you in the present Dr. I found that the best partners are the ones who are open in the first place. That way, you have a much more open partner. You can keep the partner list as it is and have a much more open partner. It is actually a very bad idea for two reasons. First, you are not giving your partner the chance to actually open up to you. You are making them only think you are the one who needs them to be open.

The idea is that you are the one having the most trouble. The second reason singles are finding this partner up is because they have had enough of the same thing. We are not just talking about relationships, we are talking about friendships and people who are friends with each other. If you are single, you have friends who are also single.