Wifes Lesbian Friend
I think she sees them as she sees any other female as just friends. I see them as a bigger threat as they can seem innocent for a longer period of time vs. What makes me feel worse about the scenerio is that before we started dating, I remember her saying " I should have never given up women". Which she now denies ever saying. It just makes me wonder as my uncle recently divorced his wife of 27 years to a lesbian lover.
Am I wrong here? You need time to come to terms with what has happened. Talk to friends and family and get as much support from them as you can. If it is too difficult to speak to people you know, consider seeing a counsellor or contacting an online support service, such as the Straight Spouse Network. Read The Other Side of the Closet by Amity Pierce Buxton, which includes stories of people who have been through similar experiences to yours.
Paula Hall, relationship psychotherapist with Relate What the expert thinks It would be extremely difficult for anyone to cope well with the changes you have experienced during the past few years. The birth of three children, a threat to your job and financial security, and relocation away from home - these alone are stressful. Now, you have been asked to accept that your wife may leave you - for a woman. Your own description of how you are feeling - angry and betrayed, powerless and bewildered - is particularly apt, because I suspect you are someone who lives more by reason than by emotion.
But now you can no longer suppress your feelings. You are angry with your wife because she is excluding you from the decision-making process that will affect not only her, but the whole family.
This is an entirely understandable reaction. However, you are also furious with her because she is not the person you thought she was, or the person you want her to be. That is also understandable, but it is not reasonable. You are also berating yourself because, looking back now, you can see that there were a number of occasions when you sensed things were not right, yet you failed to react.
Regret is futile, though, because you can't change the past. Anger is often accompanied by fear - fear of losing something precious. You are "losing" the wife you thought you had, and you must find ways to accept her as she is, even if you can't relate to her as you once did.
You are also losing the family life, and the future, you assumed you would have. These are huge losses, and you must grieve for them before you can move on. This is difficult to do alone - you will need someone discreet and compassionate to help you work through these feelings.
Is there anyone who can do this? If not, I suggest you seek the help of a skilled counsellor; you can ask your GP to refer you to one. Once you have come to terms with the injustice of your situation, you will be able to think logically. Yes, it happens all the time. And if that's something you're involved in, be prepared for things to get hard. Don't expect it to be easy or for the cheating wife to depart her marriage without a lot of hesitating, questioning and making false promises along the way.
She and her husband have a life — and probably a house and kids and bills and extended family — together. Who is responsible for this messy situation and why do married women have lesbian affairs? A married woman who otherwise identifies as straight but begins to have feelings for another woman is likely to be unhappy in her relationship with her husband. She may be trying to figure out how to feel better about it all.
Even if she's been questioning her sexual orientation and preferences for a while, she may believe she has to stay married for a wide variety of reasons. But maybe she's not attracted to her husband anymore and is wondering if that's because she's a lesbian. Maybe he's not paying attention to her and she's lonely. Maybe she got married for all the wrong reasons and is looking for answers.
Or maybe she just got drunk one night and decided a lesbian encounter would be a great experience and a story to tell her friends.
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